HAPPY FATHER’S DAY…LEAVE ME ALONE

I’m here to pledge my devotion towards the revamping of Father’s Day.

We all know it’s a disgrace the way holidays like Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day and the rest have become commercialized.

But I think we still have a chance to salvage Father’s Day. The men of this country need to stand up and make themselves heard!

The people making these commercials are idiots. You know what? Take your ‘fun’ trip to Lowes and shove it. Since when does buying Dad some paint put a smile on his face? All it is is more work...but they try and make us think it’s a grand old time.

Try this next Mother’s Day. Tell your wife you are taking her for a fun filled trip to the Shop Rite, where she can buy all the food she wants and then come home and spend the rest of the day in the kitchen. Just try it, I dare you.

No dear, I don’t want to spend Father’s Day shopping for slacks at Men’s Wearhouse. It might sound like fun to you, but guess what? IT’S NOT YOUR DAY!!! IT’S MINE!

Here is what I want for Father’s Day weekend. Start off with a bottle of Captain Morgan’s and some drunk sex on Saturday night, a pound of scrapple in bed Sunday morning, 10 minutes with the kids where they give me their homemade cards, maybe round 2 with the wife and then LEAVE ME ALONE!

Sunday will be chockfull of great sports on TV…loads of baseball, the final round of the US Open, and the NBA Finals. I’ll get out of bed around dinner time and cook up some animal on the grill and then it’s on to the couch.

I don’t remember Father’s Day when I was a little kid and I’m pretty sure that’s because it wasn’t a big deal. My Pop didn’t want to spend the day replacing the grout in the shower or trimming hedges. He got his card in the morning and then spent the rest of the day in the bar.

At least I plan on staying home.

But if you have to give me a gift for Father’s Day, how about getting some of my fellow owner’s to actually listen to what comes out of their mouths. I’ve got two ridiculous examples, both of which entered my e-mail inbox this past week.

Ex. 1: NL only league, I offer Hiroki Kuroda for Rickie Weeks. This is a rotisserie league, 5x5 and the team with Weeks is near the bottom of the standings, mainly thanks to him having only 16 points out of a possible 50 in pitching.

If he deals Weeks, he can replace him in the lineup with Ronnie Belliard...adequate, not a total slob.

I wasn’t offended by the rejection…if you don’t like a guy, then you don’t like a guy.

What pissed me off was this owner saying: Ahh no...you’ve got to be kidding, right?

And then countering with an offer of Weeks for Chase Utley, saying this was about as fair as the deal I had offered.

I get what I deserve for allowing a first time ever owner into the league.

He gets what he deserved when Weeks goes on the DL two days later. Enjoy last place, jackass.

Ex. 2: AL only league, 5x5 head to head. I’m desperate at the corners, thanks to Big Papi going on the DL. I go against my better judgement and offer up Matt Garza for sack of poo Eric Chavez.

This guy needs starting pitching and Chavez is better than what I have right now, which is Jeff Larish...egads.

Anyway, the answer comes back no and again, I’m okay with the decision. But it’s the rationalization that I don’t get.

The owner says he isn’t adverse to dealing Chavez, but he wants a pitcher with more strikeouts and a better ERA and WHIP.

So, in essence, it sounds like he is holding out for CC Sabathia or Josh Beckett.

Good luck with that…And be sure to enjoy every one of those 10 home runs that Chavez is going to hit this year.

I’m not sure what happened in MLB this week, but the injury fairy is pissed and has come to collect. And if you are in a deep league, this is the best time to find some bargains. Lots of new guys earning some important playing time….here are some to target.

Brandon Morrow-We’ve all known something is wrong with Mariners closer JJ Putz, but it finally came to a head Wednesday when he left after one better, due to pain in his elbow. This could be serious and Morrow would be the clear cut choice to step in.

Chris Duncan-He’s got three weeks to show he belongs on the big league roster. He’ll hold down first base until Albert Pujols comes back. You know Duncan has power and if he can hit these next couple weeks, he could stick around as an outfielder.

Kelly Shoppach-I’ve always been a big fan of Shoppach and if Victor Martinez’ elbow is serious, then Shoppach would make a nice fill in. As a part timer, he’s got more home runs than V-Mart anyway, so if given a full time gig, he could be nice.

Reed Johnson/Jim Edmonds-Only in the deepest of leagues. Both these guys are pretty crummy, but they’ll both be able to start now that Alfonso Soriano is out for at least a month. We could also see the return of Felix Pie…yuck.

Marlon Anderson/Chris Aguila/Endy Chavez-With Ryan Church and Moises Alou both ailing, the Mets outfield is in distress. Fernando Tatis has reverted back to being Fernando Tatis, so that leaves some openings at Shea. Chavez and Anderson should get the majority of starts, but Aguila could easily unseat either with a little production.

Andy LaRoche-He’s been tearing it up in Triple A, but the Dodgers don’t have a set spot for him. LaRoche can play 1st, 2nd or 3rd and Joe Torre says he ‘will play against lefthanders’, so that guarantees at least a couple starts each week somewhere. He hit a home run in his first game up, so the time to grab him is now.

Armando Galaragga-I’ve been hyping him all year long and now his spot in the rotation is set in stone. Jeremy Bonderman is out for the year and Dontrelle Willis has turned into Rick Ankiel, the pitcher. The Tigers are scoring 6 runs a game when Armando starts, so he’s worth your time.