‘OLD DOGS’ NEED TO BE PUT DOWN

By Gary McPherson

I’ve seen my share of bad movies in my lifetime. And there are even some movies that are so bad that they are good. Well, maybe not good, but entertaining.

“Old Dogs” is one of the worst films I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Take every cliché and sight gag that has already been beaten to death with a stick and throw it in a big pile, then burn it, then bury it underground. That is “Old Dogs”.

Director Walt Becker has two major films to his credit prior to this film: “Van Wilder” and “Wild Hogs”. If you ask me, it should be three strikes and you’re out. Of Hollywood.

“Old Dogs” is a story about two bachelors, Dan (Robin Williams) and Charlie (John Travolta). Dan opines about Vicki (Kelly Preston), the one who got away seven years ago. But lo and behold, who should pop up but Vicki, with her two kids, twins Zach and Emily.

Turns out Dan is their father and when Vicki ends up having to go to jail for a couple weeks, it’s time for daddy to step up to the plate.

Becker throws in three crotch shots, a hand model getting her hand smashed in a car trunk, a spray on tan mishap, a soccer ball to the face of a small child and various misadventures with animals at the zoo. Basically, a bunch of gags you can see each week on America’s Stupidest Videos.

I’m also getting tired of John Travolta. Here is a guy who’s career was down the tubes, a complete has been. (“Look Who’s Talking”…all I’ve got to say).

Then, along comes Quentin Tarantino, who resuscitates the actor with “Pulp Fiction”. That role gets him “Primary Colors” and “Get Shorty”, two more great roles.

But Travolta can’t help but make god awful script choices, as evident by this piece of tripe, as well as “The Taking of the Pelham 1 2 3”, “Swordfish”, “The Punisher”, “Battlefield Earth” and “Wild Hogs”.

“Old Dogs” is 88 minutes of embarrassment, for all those involved. With all the wonderful films currently in theaters (“The Fantastic Mr. Fox”, ”A Christmas Carol”, even “New Moon”) , this mutt should be neutered.

Grade: F