YEA OR NAY MAY 23

I innocently happened upon a bit of a conundrum this past week while dropping my son off at his preschool.

While packing my son up to leave for the day, I had a mother of one of his classmates say hello to me. So, politely enough, I said hello back. Who knew one word could set off such a firestorm.

Here is the dialogue which followed, between me and my son.

Owen: Daddy, who did you say hi too?

Me: It was just Lucas’ mom.

Owen: Well don’t do that again. You aren’t allowed to talk to her.

Me: Why not?

Owen: Because she is a girl and you aren’t allowed to talk to girls.

Me: What about Mommy and Emma?

Owen: That’s it. Mommy and Emma. No other girls.

I was being cockblocked by a four year old.

Immediately, a number of things went through my mind.

Who was putting these things in my boys head?

Is he too young to be taught the rules of being a guy? Could he grasp bro’s before ho’s?

What if he knew something that I didn’t? Did his buddy Lucas tell him something in confidence, thus prompting the reaction?

“Hey Owen…my mom thinks your dad is hot!”

What if he has some kind of super psychic ability and he knew that the two of saying hi to each other was going to lead to some crazy, animalistic love tryst.

Or maybe she was just saying hi, he was being a four year old and I’ve got an overactive imagination.

Either way, I can’t remember how old I was when I had to learn the ways of dudedom, but I’m sure I wasn’t still learning my ABC’s.

I would also like to think that I didn’t cause my Grandpop to lose a chance at getting some on the side.

Whatever the case may be, I learned a valuable lesson that day.

Don’t count on a preschooler to be your wingman.

On to this week’s YEA or NAY.

YEA: To LaTroy Hawkins and Kyle Farnsworth. Glad to see that these two dimwits have bought into the idiocy that is Joe Girardi. Keep on throwing at guy’s heads fellas. You still are in last place.

NAY: To the Seattle Mariners. This team is all kinds of messed up and they had better turn it around right quick. 18-30 and falling deeper and deeper in the AL West basement. They tried to shake things up, dumping Brad Wilkerson and giving top prospect Jeff Clement a shot. Then, when he doesn’t come to the majors and hit 10 home runs in his first 50 at-bats, they act surprised and send him back down.

YEA: To trading for JJ Putz. The best closer in baseball last year can be had on the cheap right now. Prime time to steal him.

NAY: To A-Rod’s continuous string of meaningless homers. He hit number 321 this week. Keep up the good work Mr. MVP.

YEA: To Andruw Jones. He’s got some torn knee cartilage, but that will happen when you weight 300 pounds and try to play center field. I put this as a YEA because I recently bought stock in FatBurger and Mr. Jones is doing his part to bump that price up.

NAY: To Dusty Baker. You would think the Reds would have done some research and seen his history with burning out young pitchers. Why won’t they step in and put Dusty in his place when it comes to Edinson Volquez? The kid’s elbow is going to look like silly string by August if he keeps on getting forced to throw 100+ pitches each outing.


YEA: To me for trading Cliff Lee when his stock was at an all time high. It’s all downhill from here. I was able to package Lee and Derek Lee for Chase Utley and Alex Rios. Toot Toot.

NAY: To Gregor Blanco’s parents. Do you think they had some personal grudge against the letter ‘Y’?

YEA: To Jorge Campillo. Who? Jorge has found himself a spot in the Braves rotation, currently competing with future HOF’ers Jo Jo Reyes and Jeff Bennett. If you need a stopgap in your rotation, Campillo has been pitching lights out. It won’t continue for long, so take it while you can.

NAY: To the Brewers. If the Brew Crew would have just ponied up the cash for Francisco Cordero, they might be in first place today. Instead, their closer situation is a landfill and they’ve lost about 7 games in the 9th inning already this year. Turn those L’s into W’s and Milwaukee would be atop the NL Central.

YEA: To this tune. Ever since I heard it, I can’t get it out of my head.

NAY: To the fact that I had to run out to CVS the other night at midnight to purchase a tube of 8 Belles….I mean glue. (too soon?)

YEA: To dealing for Mark Teixeira. If anybody ever has shown a track record for heating up in the summer months, it’s Tex. Another guy who you should try to get your mitts on, before the bat catches fire.

NAY: On Garry Sheffield. When I’m wrong, I’m wrong. I will admit it. Sheff is cooked and doesn’t deserve to be owned in mixed leagues anymore. Time to face the music. The fact that Sheff is batting third in the Tigers lineup speaks volumes as to the problems in Detroit.

YEA: To my son Owen, who while he might not want his dad to make an impression on the ladies, he certainly has no problem making a name for himself. At my daughters most recent T-Ball game, Owen spent the entire time behind the girl’s bench, flirting and joking with the older women. Finally, as a coup de grace, he felt the potty calling him. But why walk to a port-a-john? O-Money whipped it out and whizzed right behind home plate. And if you’ve ever been around a four year old going pee, you know that their drawers don’t just get pulled down a little bit. They go down to their ankles, bringing out a full moon a few hours early. Classy to the end.

NAY: To me, again. I had the opportunity to protect Matt Kemp before the season started in my mixed league, but Joe Torre and his fabulous rotating outfield scared me off. Now, I wish I had kept him, as the cream is rising to the top.

YEA: To putting Willie Randolph out of his misery. The guy is overmatched.

NAY: To the NBA. I want to watch, I really do. I am using all my mojo to get those stinking Spurs and Pistons eliminated. But no matter what I do, they just won’t go away. And if you remember something I wrote a couple weeks ago…that the Celtics would eventually lose a home game and thus be cooked….than last nights loss to the Pistons should provide the death knell. I’ve still got the Lakers. Fingers crossed.

NAY: To the San Diego Padres. If there is one team that is in worse shape than the Mariners, it’s this one. Peavy and Young are down and out. They are 11 games out of first, scoring around 3.5 runs per game. Their starting outfield is made up of a 4 man rotation between Brian Giles, Scott Hairston, Jody Gerut and Paul McAnulty. Their outfield might not combine to hit as many home runs as Ryan Howard. George Bell, Lloyd Moseby and Jesse Barfield are rolling over in their graves. And still, in Triple A, Chase Headley toils away, waiting for the call. The team wants to wait until after June 1st, but by then, it might be too late.

YEA: To a sumo wrestling match between Dmitri Young and Ryan Howard. Somebody needs to make this happen. Jean Claude Van Damme could be the referee.

YEA: To our pic of the week. Have a great Memorial Day!!! I know these two will.

BETTER TO BURN OUT OR FADE AWAY

Lost amongst the NBA lottery, American Idol mania and the return of Indiana Jones, the greatest fantasy catcher of all-time announced his retirement this week.

Not nearly enough was made of the announcement, probably because it was long overdue. But Mike Piazza took the art of hitting to a level never seen before by a major league catcher.

I’m not going to try to argue that he was the greatest all around catcher of all-time. His defense would never hold up in the debate. But for fear of being pistol whipped by old schoolers, I will say he was a better hitter than Johnny Bench and Yogi Berra, both first ballot Hall of Famers. The numbers:

Piazza-.308 lifetime average-427 HR(396 as a catcher)-1335 RBI
Bench-.267-389(327 as a catcher)-1376
Berra-.285-359-1430

So much for the leader of the Baseball Bunch. PWNED.

Consider that Piazza is just one of 12 players in the history of the game to finish with a .300+ average and 400 home runs. There is no argument.



Piazza certainly had his ups and downs throughout his 15 years, especially off the field. Once he became a New York Met, he seemed to become a lightning rod for controversy.

Being falsely outed by the New York press. Getting drilled in the head by a Roger Clemens fastball and then dodging the shard of bat that Clemens chucked at him during a fit of roid rage in the 2000 World Series. Allowing runner after runner to steal on him and refusing to make the move to first base. But Piazza withstood all the criticism.

Name me one other player who could pull off a fu manchu and a mullet at the same time?

Piazza’s stretch from 1995 to 2000 is plain stupid.

1995-32HR-93 RBI-.346 AVG
1996-36-105-.336
1997-40-124-.362
1998-32-111-.328
1999-40-124-.303
2000-38-113-.324




Bench reached 40 homers twice in his career, but only sniffed .300 in an injury plagued 1981 where he only played in 51 games.

Berra had a better batting average, but his single season high in homers was 30, which he did twice.

The six year numbers Piazza put up at the end of the millennium will stand up as the best ever for a catcher. I really, truly believe that.

Consider that in 2008, the top catcher taken in almost every league was Victor Martinez. Currently in his ‘prime’, V-Mart’s 2007 stats left fantasy owners drooling.

25-114-78-.301. Whoop de freakin’ doo.

But the reason I felt compelled to write about Piazza is because of the impact he had on fantasy baseball. In 1998, Piazza did something that no other catcher ever has and probably never will.

In 1998, Piazza was the first overall pick in many a fantasy draft. Take that Brook Fordyce.

There were other options, as there almost always are every year. Barry Bonds and Larry Walker were coming off sick years. So were Ken Griffey and Jeff Bagwell.

But when you take into account position scarcity, Piazza was the logical choice. Especially if you were in an NL only league, where you typically need two catchers. Heading into the year, Jason Kendall was the second rated catcher, coming off a sparkling 8-49-.294 season.

Piazza’s statistical anomaly made the Tom Lampkins and the Kirt Manwarings look all that more horrific.

Consider that in a 10 team league, 20 catchers need to be drafted. The 19th and 20th ranked catchers in 1998 were Tony Eusebio and Jesse Levis, who the year prior combined to hit 2 homers, 37 RBI and a steal.

So, by going back and seeing how ridiculous Piazza was compared to the rest of the catchers in the league, I decided to take it upon myself to put together the greatest fantasy lineup of the past 30 years.

The lineup is not based on career numbers, but on piecing together the 23 greatest single seasons of the past three decades, filling a typical fantasy lineup. 2 catchers, 1 first baseman, 1 second baseman, 1 third baseman, 1 shortstop, 1 middle infielder, 1 corner infielder, 5 outfielders, 1 designated hitter and 9 pitchers. I’ll break the pitchers down to 6 starters and 3 relievers.

Here is what I came up with along with the player’s relevant fantasy stats for that season: HR, RBI, RUNS, SB and BA for hitters. Wins, saves, ERA, WHIP and K’s for pitchers.

C1-1997 Mike Piazza-40-124-109-5-.362
Consider he did this in pitcher friendly Dodger Stadium. I’ll forgive him for just 5 stolen bases.

C2-1999-Ivan Rodriguez-35-113-116-25-.332
Two years after Piazza’s monster, I-Rod discovers steroids.

1B-1999-Jeff Bagwell-42-126-143-30-.304
You don’t really think of Bagwell as a basestealer, but 30 swipes from your first baseman pushes him over the edge.

2B-2002-Alfonso Soriano-39-102-128-41-.300
If only Sori stayed a second baseman…he’d be a top five pick every year.

3B-2007-Alex Rodriguez-54-156-143-24-.314
Wish he stole a few more, but it’s the 156 and 143 which are really amazing.

SS-1998-Alex Rodriguez-42-124-123-46-.310
He changed the position…not Nomar. Not Jeter. Before A-Rod, all shortstops were supposed to be Walt Weiss.

CM-1999-Chipper Jones-45-110-116-25-.319
Another guy you forget used to steal. Like him or not, Chipper is going to the HOF.

MI-1990-Ryne Sandberg-40-100-116-25-.306
Phillies trading Sandberg was worse than any deal Randy ever made.

OF1-1985-Rickey Henderson-24-72-146-80-.314
Rickey had about 5 years where he could have made this list, but 1985 was the most balanced.

OF2-1987-Eric Davis-37-100-120-50-.293
He could have been Ken Griffey, only he was too brittle. Considering Junior’s injury history, that says a lot.

OF3-1988-Jose Canseco-42-124-120-40-.307
So what if he is a self centered rat. In 1988, Jose was Superman.

OF4-1997-Larry Walker-49-130-143-33-.366
Bet you didn’t remember this amazing season. He deserved that MVP.

OF5-2001-Barry Bonds-73-137-129-13-.328
I despise him as much as you, but still…73 home runs. Come on.

DH-2000-Frank Thomas-43-143-115-1-.328
With apologies to David Ortiz, Paul Molitor and Edgar Martinez, this was the best year ever put forward by a DH.

SP1-1985-Doc Gooden-24-1.53-0.96-268
16 complete games…8 shutouts…only 13 home runs allowed over 276 IP. Brett Myers gave up that many last week.

SP2-1985-John Tudor-21-1.93-0.94-169
Overshadowed by Doc, Tudor actually tossed 10 shutouts in ’85. He’d never win more than 13 in a season ever again.

SP3-1986-Mike Scott-18-2.22-0.92-306
Everyone said he was cheating, scuffing the ball somehow. He burned out quick, but when he was good, he was GOOD.

SP4-1995-Greg Maddux-19-1.63-0.81-181
Never much of a K guy, but if you post a whip of .81 over 200 IP, I’ll learn to deal with it. ’95 was the last of his four straight Cy Young seasons and, in my opinion, his best.

SP5-1999-Pedro Martinez-23-2.07-0.92-313
While the league went homer crazy, Pedro stymied them all.

SP6-2001-Randy Johnson-21-2.49-1.01-372
I wonder if we will ever see anybody reach 300 K’s again. Unit almost got 400.

RP1-1983-Dan Quisenberry-45 saves-1.94-0.92-48
Back when relievers were men. Quis tossed 139 innings in ’83 and walked 11 batters.

RP2-1990-Dennis Eckersely-48-0.61-0.61-73
Tough to pick one year for Eck, he was so dominant from ’89-92. But in ’90, Eck was the greatest closer ever. 73IP, 5 earned runs, 4 walks. His ERA and WHIP were identical.

RP3-2003-Eric Gagne-55-1.20-0.71-137
Sure, he’s rotten now, but the goofy looking Canadian was untouchable in ’03, striking out every other batter he faced.



It’s amazing looking back at the numbers over the past 30 years. The ebb and flow of great hitters and pitchers. 1997 alone provided 4 of the greatest pitching performances ever, between Pedro, Curt Schilling, Randy Johnson and Roger Clemens.

Then, once 2002 rolled around, those amazing outputs were gone. Johan Santana is the only one who even came close to cracking this list as a starter from the past 7 years.

I also never realized how really great Dale Murphy was. Rickey Henderson stealing 130 bases in 1982, while getting caught 42 times!!! 172 attempts in one season! Most guys don’t even get on base that many times in a year.

Its performances like these that make us really enjoy fantasy baseball. Who will be the next 40-40 player? Who will be the next Ellis Burks to come out of nowhere and belt 40 homers and bat .344? Can any shortstop drive in 150 like Miguel Tejada did back in 2004? Will there ever be another Mike Piazza?

YEA OR NAY FOR MAY 16TH

If you aren’t a Mets fan, than you might not give a damn about what is going on within their clubhouse.

But the fact is, the Metropolitans are the poster child for the problem with professional sports, specifically Major League Baseball.

With the acquisition of Johan Santana, the Mets became the gold standard of the National League. They were everyone’s pick to win the East and were heavy favorites to make the World Series.

But there is a stench that simply will not vacate Shea. Some say that stench comes from female Met fans, but really, it comes from the specter of the ‘collapse of 2007’.

It’s easy for players to say that what happened in September of last year is a distant memory and this is a new season. But as we have seen in the first seven weeks of the season, last year’s disgrace will not go away.

The clubhouse seems to be a lost cause. Willie Randolph never came across as a very vocal leader. I think he had a quota of 5 words spoken per year when he was the second baseman for the Yankees.

Randolph might have a baseball pedigree, but with today’s athlete, that isn’t enough. If a manager cannot get through to his players and form a bond with them, than all the talent in the world won’t save the squad.

Example: Charlie Manuel is a retard. But the Phillies players love him and feel a kinship with him. They play hard for him. Much harder than they did for Larry Bowa.

Do you ever get the feeling that the Mets players feel some kind of bond with Randolph? That any of them would care if he was fired?

The Mets continue to make mental mistakes all over the field. The baserunning gaffes from yesterday are the perfect example. It’s not the first time these have happened and it won’t be the last.

I’ll assume that Randolph has tried to beat into their heads that these goofs are inexcusable. Yet, they continue to occur and that tells you one thing. Randolph’s words carry no weight.

I’m not trying to advocate the firing of Randolph. In fact, I abhor the way players need to coddled and cajoled into doing their job.

If you’re job is cleaning out septic tanks, I can understand if you are crabby about what you do. That guy deserves an extra pat on the back.

But when you are getting paid millions and millions of dollars, work just 2 to 3 hours per day and only 162 days out of the year, mental lapses are inexcusable.

I want to lose it when I hear a player say he lost his focus while on the basepaths and forgot how many outs there were. You only get three an inning! How hard is it to count to three?

On the day of a game, every hour leading up to the start is about those 9 innings. Finally, the time comes and if you are lucky, you get on base once, maybe twice a game. After hours of preparation and training, you finally get on and have a chance to make an impact on the game.

And then suddenly, you zone out? Your stomach growls and you start thinking about food? You start to wonder if it’s going to be nice for your off day next Monday?

Consider this. Based on his yearly salary, Jose Reyes earned over 36 thousand dollars for yesterday’s game. And in a 1-0 loss, he simply flaked out on the bases. Try that at your job and see what your boss does.

This is not a rant about player’s salaries. We all know they earn too much money, but if the money wasn’t there, they wouldn’t be getting it.

But with all that money comes added responsibility and scrutiny. Too many players want to take the coin and then bristle at any and all criticism.

Mets closer Billy Wagner is a loudmouth bore, along the lines of Curt Schilling. But Wagner’s rant following yesterday’s game was dead on.

The Mets lost a close game, one that Wagner wasn’t even involved in. But after the game, a number of players who did play a role in the loss conveniently disappeared when the media filled the locker room.

When reporters approached Wagner, he didn’t hesitate to call these guys out. Not because it was a tough loss, but because these guys have been pulling this type of stunt for a while now.

When the ship is going down, the rats are always the first to bail out. It happened last year during the Mets collapse and it is carrying over this year.

Why should Wagner be the one to talk to the press about Carlos Delgado’s game ending double play? Why should he be the one to talk about the baserunning mistakes? He was in the bullpen all day.

Because this is New York, these situations always get more hype. But it is a problem which permeates every clubhouse to some degree.

Players feel they are accountable to nobody, which is wrong on so many levels.

They are accountable to their teammates, something Wagner is trying to point out.

They are accountable to the press, because if it wasn’t for them, nobody would know who the heck they are.

They are accountable to the fans, because it is them who are paying their salary. Go ask professional soccer players in this country how they would act if they were able to sell out 162 games a year.

I felt compelled to write this only because I love the sport of baseball so much. I really can’t stand how things have changed over the past 20 years.

Players are a different breed and have become out of touch with the heart of the game. Instead of playing because they want to, too many are playing because they want to be rich.

I often thought it would be nice if someday, the economy of baseball just collapsed. Suddenly, the max salary a player can earn would be 50,000 a year. How many guys do you think would simply quit, because they weren’t earning enough?

The guys that stayed would be the ones that deserved our attention. I could come up with a list of guys that I know would retire on the spot.

I know this is supposed to be a fantasy column, but the goings on in the Mets locker room yesterday just got me riled up. On to this week’s YEA or NAY.

YEA: To Reds farmhand Jay Bruce. The 21 year old uber-prospect is on a ridiculous roll, creaming pitching in AAA. Over his last 10 games, Bruce is 22 for 36. That’s a .611 clip for those without a calculator. Unfortunately, Bruce can’t play centerfield, so the Reds are keeping him in the minors until Ken Griffey’s Alzheimers kicks in.

NAY: To all the weird saves coming out of the woodwork this week. Masa Kobayashi, Blaine Boyer, Jarrod Washburn. I hate saves.

YEA: To Blue Jays reliever Scott Downs. Somehow, Downs has 5 saves, despite BJ Ryan being the full time closer and Jeremy Accardo getting 4 saves in the early going. Downs has as many saves as Detroit’s Todd Jones, who has the job all to his lonesome.

NAY: To Livan Hernandez. The Twins opening day starter is 6-1, despite a fastball that averages only 84 miles per hour. That’s right, I said his FASTBALL.

YEA: To any of you who held onto CC Sabathia. I wish I would have traded for him.

NAY: To the Gatorade commercial starring Mia Hamm and her wife Nomar. The two of them are doing some stupid mini-bowling thing, so I’m supposed to want to run out and buy some Gatorade. Right.

YEA: To the Japanese film ‘Audition’. If you are a Netflix subscriber, queue it up. This film is disturbing on more levels than you can imagine, but you cannot take your eyes off it.

NAY: To the situation in Seattle. The Mariners are horrible and they had better turn things around quick, because the Angels and A’s aren’t letting up. How bad is it in the Pacific Northwest? In their 4-3 win over Texas earlier this week, the M’s came back from a 2 run deficit. It was their biggest comeback of the year. 2 runs.

YEA: To the Beverly Hills 90210 spinoff that is hitting the air next fall. You may not want to admit it, but you know you are excited.

NAY: To Brett Myers. This is the second straight week he has been on this list, but I need to add a caveat. Everyone keeps saying that Myers is screwed up because of his move to the bullpen last year. But I’d like to point out that before 2007, when Myers was strictly a starter, HE WAS NEVER THAT GOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE! His career best ERA is 3.72. He’s never won more than 14 games in a season. Everyone penciled Myers in to be an All-Star, but I think the expectations were just way too high. Is he better than he is pitching right now? Yes. But is he Cy Young material? Never has been.

YEA: To Jacoby Ellsbury. Considering the whole Coco Crisp dilemma, Ellsbury has played remarkably well and has set a pace for 56 steals and 116 runs scored.

NAY: To Michael Bourn. Now you know why the Phillies didn’t hesitate to trade him. 17 steals are allright, but he’s batting .180 and has scored a paltry 16 runs, despite having Carlos Lee, Lance Berkman and Miguel Tejada there to drive him in. Ed Wade strikes again!

YEA: To Pedro Feliz. Feliz hasn’t been terrific, but you need to watch him play. I kid you not, he swings at the first pitch every single time up. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It is really bizarre, in a fun way.

NAY: To Sarah Jessica Parker. I never got the whole ‘Sex in the City’ thing because SJP is PDU. Pretty Damn Ugly. The redhead is a lesbian. The other blonde is a grisly old cougar. And I could give or take on the brunette. Wouldn’t the show be more enjoyable if it was Jessica Biel, Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johanson, and Elisha Cuthbert?

YEA: To bailing out on trading for a while. I’m getting close to saying something that I will regret in one of my leagues, so I think it’s time I back off the owner interaction for a little while. I’ve created some lifelong enemies in the past with some things I’ve said in other leagues. But I like to think I’ve grown with old age and I don’t want Big Z to get mad at me for ruining his league. I’m doing this for you buddy!

YEA: To the Giambino!!! Speaking with doctors in the know, based on his current day size and frame, this picture had to have been taken when he was 11 years old. Our first pic of the week. Enjoy.

I’M SORRY BIG PAPI!!!

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I, a lifelong Red Sox fan, dealt away David Ortiz in a blockbuster deal this past week.

Not that I am a religious person. I went to a formal church once in my life, when I was 8. I went with a friend of mine to his Catholic service, purely out of curiosity. Oddly enough, my friend went on to become a flaming homosexual, coincidence or not.

I felt like I needed to ask for some kind of forgiveness because I got a terrible sense of regret after making this deal. That’s usually a very bad sign and I usually won’t make a deal if I have that ‘feeling’.

But I wasn’t able to differentiate if I felt bad about the deal because of the deal in itself, or because I was trading away probably my favorite player in the game.

After some deep introspection, which involved some meditation and a heavy dose of Nyquil, I came to the realization that the deal was a good one for me, but I still miss my Papi.

We are now in week 7 of the regular season and in case you haven’t noticed, there are some bizarre anomalies statwise throughout the league.

Cliff Lee continues a ridiculous start, tossing another shutout on Monday night. Granted, the Blue Jays were in the midst of a 30 inning scoreless drought, but still.

In 7 starts, Lee has given up just 4 earned runs and walked just 4 batters. That’s over 53.6 innings. He has given up runs in just 2 of his 7 starts. 3 against Seattle and 1 against Oakland. In his 5 other games, he has given up zero!

It’s impossible for this to continue, but Lee is for real and a final ERA in the 2’s is very possible.

On the other side of the spectrum is everybody’s favorite punching bag Johnny Cueto. Since his breakout start on April 3rd, Cueto has pitched like you would expect a rookie lefty to pitch.

In week 2 of the year I trade Cueto, Ryan Howard, Gary Sheffield and Manny Corpas for Carl Crawford, Evan Longoria, Andruw Jones and Dontrelle Willis. Even though Jones and Willis suck, that deal still looks good on my end.

Expect Cueto to be sent down for some special seasoning if he keeps going down the toilet.

Trivia Time: What do Adam Dunn, Jim Thome, Jason Giambi and Kevin Mench all have in common?

Answer: They all have more stolen bases on the year than Derek Jeter. Ha-ha.

Jeter has been a complete fantasy bust, unless you have a thing for having Captains on your squad. More power to you. We all know how important it is to have a harmonious fantasy clubhouse.

Jeter is tied with Matt Cain and Willy Aybar in home runs, with 1. Nobody said rubbing it in wasn’t fun!

It also makes a Red Sox fan happy to hear Yankees and David Wells mentioned in the same breath. Since I heard the rumor, I’ve been saying a prayer every night for it to be true. Star light, star bright…

One of the greatest feelings in the world: picking a guy up at the last minute and having him produce right away.

I plucked Freddy Sanchez off the scrap heap on Monday, just seconds before the cutoff. Sanchez than proceeds to smack a three run double. To boot, it was off my opponent’s pitcher. Hooray me!

Vicente Padilla continues to tantalize fantasy owners, but I need to tell you to stay away!! Achtung…Vicente verboten!

Padilla is a two start pitcher this week and somebody in my mixed league inevitably picked him up. Vicente wasn’t terrible in his first start Monday, but he wasn’t great either. I promise he will get torched in his second start on Sunday versus Houston. Don’t be that guy.

My four year old keeps begging me to take him to see Speed Racer. I love taking the kids to the theatre, since it’s really the only time I get to go. But I’m trying to get him to change his mind….not because everyone says the movie is lousy. If I’ll take him to see ‘Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium’, I’ll take him to see anything.

The reason I don’t want to take him is because Speed Racer is 2 hours and 15 minutes long. The attention span of a 4 year old is on par with an adult howler monkey. 135 minutes in a theatre is not going to work. Maybe I can get Uncle John to take him.

But if you are interested in seeing a cool movie, mark down May 30th on your calendar and go see this.

Somebody on the Penguins needs to step in with regards to Sidney Crosby. I love the fact that hockey players uphold the tradition of not shaving throughout the duration of the playoffs.

But have you seen Crosby’s mustache? It’s one of those things you see on the 15 year old who hangs out in back of the 7-11. All he needs is some devastating acne and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. The ‘stache must go.

That being said, the Flyers don’t stand a chance. And I’m writing this before game 3 even starts. They look like a jumbled mess out there and the Penguins are just better.

I also need to say that Pittsburgh might have the ugliest chicks in the country. Have you seen the hobgoblins in the stands at these games?

Can’t they fly some hot chicks in from some other city to help those of us watching at home?

If they make the finals, I think the NHL should step in and make this happen.

I used to think that the NY football Giants had a monopoly on ugly chicks, but I guess they decided to share with the Penguins.

The NBA also needs to do something about their product. If we have another Spurs-Pistons final, I will shoot myself in the face.

And if someone has an answer as to the Celtics enigma, please let me know. The fact that this team flat out does not show up for road games is getting ridiculous. It’s not that they just lose on the road. They get destroyed and someone needs to be held accountable.

Eventually, they will lose a game at home. And when they do, I really don’t think they will be able to get even on the road.

Remember how everyone hemmed and hawed about how Minnesota never put enough talent around Kevin Garnett and that’s the reason the team never won. Poor KG. Well, maybe it wasn’t the supporting cast after all.

Southern Cal Athletic Director Mike Garrett needs to get the gate. The Reggie Bush was one thing, but OJ Mayo should never have even been allowed to step foot on that campus. The Trojans officially sold their soul when they brought him to their school. Hopefully the NCAA is consistent with doling out their penalties and don’t play favorites with USC.

In my NL only league, a trade just went through where one team got Reed Johnson and Randy Wolf, in exchange for Randy Winn. We’ll be holding a press conference on Thursday where both owners will detail the negotiations that went into this blockbuster.

Fernando Tatis is back in the bigs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was good when I was 8. I’m pretty sure he was originally drafted by the Seattle Pilots.

Hey Ziliani….have you seen the Megan Fox nudie pics? You’re favorite girl is showing off for you. Too bad she’s been tainted by Brian Austin Green. Yeah, the guy from 90210.

If you didn’t jump on a depressed Robinson Cano owner, I think it might be too late. His early season swoon looks like it’s over and we missed our chance to get him at a nice value.

I haven’t watched a single moment of American Idol, never have. But if that fruity little 16 year old dude wins, I think we should be ashamed as a nation.

I think a law should be passed that if you vote for somebody on American Idol and they win, you should be forced to purchase their CD when it comes out. And that will be the only album you can listen to for a full month. Maybe then some of these people will get some taste.

If you were wise enough to listen to me and trade for Ryan Braun, you can buy me a beer next time you see me.

This week’s target….Victor Martinez. A lot of people are playing up the fact that he hasn’t hit a home run yet. You do the same. The zero home runs to date just means more that he’ll hit for you once you deal for him. He should still hit 20 on the year and they could all be yours.

Ryan Howard just struck out again.

I miss you Big Papi.

YEA OR NAY FOR MAY 9TH

Being part of a fantasy league with people you are good friends with can be a slippery slope.

It’s obvious that you want to win, but you’ve often got to weigh that against friendships.
In a league with friends, I am less likely to do certain things as opposed to a league of acquaintances.

Case in point. About a month ago I was working on trading for Hanley Ramirez in one of my leagues. Hanley was currently owned by a good friend of mine and we had some preliminary discussions that really didn’t go anywhere.

Assuming the deal was dead, I stopped on the offers and was setting my sights elsewhere. But then, out of the blue, my friend threw back two offers last week that left me floored.

In both, he offered me Hanley, but for two separate packages…you be the judge.

Package #1: Hanley for Victor Martinez and Dan Haren.

Package #2: Hanley for Corey Patterson and Dan Haren.

Considering the fact that Corey Patterson was days away from being flat out jettisoned from my squad, offer number 2 seemed like a no brainer.

But before I could pull the trigger, I had a revelation. A moment of clarity, if you will.

I couldn’t live with myself if I accepted package number 2. I know that Corey Patterson is a bum and that his days in Cincinnati are dwindling. To even put him and V-Mart in the same class is a major blunder.

But I just couldn’t do it, for several reasons.

For one, if I did, this friend of mine would certainly face ridicule from other owners. I didn’t want that to happen.

Second, as someone who has been a commissioner for two decades, I know that you don’t want this type of trade to happen. Lopsided trades are the bane of every commissioner’s existence.

I have always been one hundred percent behind the notion that unless there is proof of collusion between two owners, no trade can be vetoed. If someone is dumb enough to give up David Wright for Pedro Feliz, than that’s life. It’s a tough lesson to learn, but that guy definitely won’t make that mistake again in the future. Not after he gets ripped a new one by everyone else in the league.

But even though I wouldn’t veto such a trade, it would make me upset as a commissioner. Only because I know it is going to cause headaches. Other owners are ticked because they were unable to be a part of such a lopsided deal. The owner who dealt Wright is upset because he’s got 9 or 10 owners threatening to burn down his house.

You will only have one guy who is not upset and that is the guy who got Wright. And pretty soon, you’ll have him complaining to you, because his life repeatedly is getting threatened by the rest of the league. Nobody wins. Especially the commish.

Lastly, if a trade like this went down, you often get labeled. Even though it wasn’t me who proposed the trade. If you pull off a trade like this, people don’t forget. And that makes it harder to make trades further down the line.

I remember about 7 or 8 years ago when a friend of mine trading Alex Rodriguez in the first week of the season. It didn’t look terrible, on paper, but by the time A-Rod got rolling around to an MVP season, the trade ended up being absolutely horrible. I think the owner actually changed his team name to ‘I Can’t Believe I Traded A-Rod’.

It can take years to get over a mistake like that. As the guy who got hosed, you are gun shy about making moves, for fear of it happening again. And as the owner who made out, people look at you as being shady. Somebody who can’t be trusted and who you can’t even consider dealing with.

As is, there were a couple owners who couldn’t believe Hanley got dealt for V-Mart and Haren. Imagine if I had pulled the trigger on the other? It’s just not worth it.

That being said…if you are in a league with simple acquaintances, you have to make that deal. Feelings be damned. If you and I aren’t ever going to see each other outside of our annual draft, I will do everything in my power to rob you blind.

I’ve been called lots of names by fellow owners in my years playing fantasy. I’ve also called other owners a number of names that can’t be printed here today. But hopefully, this example will prove to some of you that I do have a softer side. How can I rip off a close friend? Blum, on the other hand…

On to this week’s YEA or NAY. Enjoy.

YEA: To Dioner Navarro. A weird guy to start things off with, I know. But never let anyone tell you I don’t know how to toot my own horn. I loved Navarro before the season started. And despite spending two weeks on the DL with a fluke injury, Navarro is batting .368 with a home run and 10 RBI. He’s even been caught stealing twice…at least he’s trying. Consider: Pudge Rodriguez is batting .252 with 1 home run and 14 RBI. Unfortunately, he has spent no time on the DL.

NAY: To the Tigers. Jim Leyland says they are going to shake things up after getting swept by the Twins. So, they release Jacques Jones. Ooohh….that’s turning things on its ear. The Tigers promptly lose 3 of 4 at home to the Red Sox. I guess it’s time for another shakeup. Maybe this week, they’ll send Zach Miner to AAA. That will teach all you overpaid superstars not to mess around!

YEA: To trading Brandon Webb. I know he has been amazing, 8 wins in 8 starts. But the law of averages can’t keep up and you know it. If you keep holding on to him, his stock is only going to go down. Be happy that you got 8 of his eventual 20 wins and go take someone to the cleaners.

NAY: To the trade Quiggs made, which he commented on following one of my blogs a week ago. Sorry, but I have to give a thumbs down to the deal. In case you haven’t seen it, Quiggs dealt Ryan Braun and Matt Cain for David Ortiz and Greg Maddux. The thinking being that he had Edwin Encarnacion on his bench, who could be plugged in for Braun. I love Ortiz, but I love Braun more. Mainly, due to stolen bases. I even have a bet in place with a pal of mine that Ortiz will end the year with a higher batting average than Braun. It’s not even a question…Braun strikes out too much. But secondly, I’m a big Matt Cain fan. I think Cain to Maddux is a big drop. And the way Maddux has pitched of late, it’s starting to look like he might finally be feeling his age. Hope it works out, but if it were me, I probably would not have made the deal.

YEA: For me and what I wrote two weeks ago about Brett Myers. Something is wrong and it’s only getting worse. He proved that yesterday in Arizona. The game Saturday against the Giants doesn’t count because that isn’t a Major League lineup. If you had other options, I would consider sitting Myers until he figures it out.

NAY: To Richie Sexson. Dude is 6’8” and 240 pounds and when he charges the mound he’s got to throw his helmet at the pitcher? Get some balls.

NAY: While we’re on the matter, the Mariners as a team. After emptying out their farm system for Erik Bedard, the M’s were picked as favorites in the AL West. But they are no in full out freefall. They are 3-12 in their last 15 games. They scored 3 total runs in their three straight losses to the Rangers and the three headed monster that is Sidney Ponson, Vicente Padilla and Kason Gabbard. Forget the Tigers…this is the team that needs a shakeup. I’d say fire the manager, but nobody even knows who he is.

YEA: To the deal this past offseason between the Rangers and Reds that sent Edinson Volquez to Cincy and Josh Hamilton to Texas. Now that was a great deal for everybody. We need more of those.

YEA: To Carlos Gomez. He got drilled in the head earlier this week when trying to steal second base. When he comes back, he hits for the cycle. We should try that with Ryan Howard….have Cole Hamels just line up and drill him in the head.

NAY: To this weeks Survivor. In case you missed it, I can’t even put in words what happened. Let it be known that I had to leave the room when Erik did what he did. I was ashamed to be a man. On a related note, my 7 year old daughter has been making fun of this guy since the season began because his occupation is listed as ‘ice cream scooper.’ When your livelihood is being mocked by a first grader, you might want to reassess things.

YEA: To MTV’s Real World Hollywood. You would think by now they would have exhausted the pool of nut jobs, but the producers of this show continue to dig them up. God bless you.

NAY: To Kimmo Timmonen. Bloodclots come and go, but the Stanley Cup is forever. Suck it up.

YEA: To the new Speed Racer cartoon. In case you missed it, Chim Chim is now a robot monkey. Super sweet!!!

NAY: To ‘Made of Honor’. I told a friend of mine that I would not out him and the fact that he got sucked into the movie last week. You should be ashamed of yourself JM.

YEA: To Mt. Laurel Baseball Day at the Phillies last Saturday night. I actually got to walk my t-ball team on the field before the game. 3700 kids from Mt. Laurel baseball flooded the game and marched around the stadium.

NAY: To the security people at the game, for absolutely screaming at any kids who dared touch the grass on the field while they walked around the stadium. How much harm was going to be caused by some 8 year old reaching down and simply running his hand along the grass, which was in FOUL TERRITORY ANYWAY!!! These people need to get a clue.

YEA: To my daughter for not throwing up after the game. Two hot dogs, a cotton candy, half a bag of peanuts, a soft pretzel, some popcorn and an order of French fries.

NAY: To Khalil Greene. I never thought I would be able to hate anyone as much as I do you.

YEA: To Matt Capps. On Wednesday night, Capps gave up 3 hits, 1 run and recorded 3 outs. ON 8 PITCHES. You don’t see that everyday.

YEA: To Sidney Crosby pulling out one of his patented dives in the series against the Flyers. I want to see him try it….I dare you.

YEA OR NAY FOR MAY 2ND

This is not how it was supposed to happen! It just goes to show what happens when I draft a scumbag Yankee.

Phil Hughes, the darling of Columbus, has been a colossal bust in the bigs. Bring up all you want the game last year when Hughes had a no hitter going and then had to leave with an injury. But the guy who could have been the central piece for Johan Santana isn’t worth trading for Rafael Santana right now.

Hughes is now out until July with a broken rib. Last year, it was a hamstring that shut him down for a couple months. Yankee fans need to be shaking in their boots that they don’t have the next Rich Harden in their midst.

Hughes’ 6 starts this year were mortifying. 22 innings, 22 earned runs. 1 quality start, his first of the year.

Last year, Hughes made 13 starts and you know what I found out? HE WAS PRETTY CRUMMY THEN TOO! 36 earned runs in 72 innings pitched. Just 5 quality starts. 29 walks compared to 58 strikeouts. Pro-rate those walks over a full season (if he ever makes it through one) and you’re looking at close to 90 walks!

Hughes is just another prime example of the Yankee hype machine. Nobody is better at it than New York. It would just be nice if the rest of the league would finally wake up and get a clue.

Thanks for nothing, you overrated wannabe.

On to the Yea or Nay….I’m pretty riled up, so expect a lot of nays this week.

YEA: To Tampa, Oakland and the White Sox, your three division leaders in the American League as of May the second. Last year, these three teams combined to go 214-272, a combined 58 games under .500. As a Red Sox fan, Tampa legitimately has me worried, because their pitching is out of sight. And their ace, Scott Kazmir, has yet to even pitch.

NAY: To the Red Sox. 4 runs in their past 5 games. Getting shutout twice in a week. I know that despite this offensive drought they have won 2 of 5, but goodness do they look flat.

YEA: To Howie Kendrick. My pal Howie was supposed to come off the disabled list this past Tuesday. Well, it’s Friday and the Angels are now saying he isn’t even ready to go out on a rehab assignment. My hatred of you is 100 percent justified. It will be a cold day in Hades before I even consider having you on my team.

If you are the G.M., at what point do you just say ‘Dude, get your ass on the field!’

NAY: To the BCS. The powers that be decided this week that an NCAA football playoff isn’t in their best interest and the next time the idea could even possibly be revisited will be 2014. Instead, we are stuck with a mind numbing 34 bowl games this coming year. Think about it….68 teams will be participating in bowls this year. With the rule being that you need to be at or above .500 to qualify for a bowl, isn’t the day coming when there just aren’t enough teams that will reach that benchmark?

NAY: To all the dudity at the YMCA. I joined a couple months back and I just can’t get over all the male nakedness. I can understand if you want to take a shower at the gym. I’m all for hygiene and smelling nice for the gals at the senior center.

But what is it that makes these old wrinkly guys want to walk around the locker room flapping in the breeze? You have a towel in your hand!!! Don’t you realize you can wrap it around yourself and not subject me to your twigs and berries!!

And it’s almost always the 95 year old guy who is doing this. The guy who was around when the Y was invented. God bless you for getting out and being active at your age. I hope you live to be 130. BUT I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR PEANUTS!!!

YEA: To this guy here. I had this idea when I was 8, but never had the guts to try it.

YEA: To the Phillies bullpen. The reason the team is in first place in the East is not the offense, it’s the bullpen. Consider these numbers: Brad Lidge-13 IP, 0 Runs. Tom Gordon-(since his day one meltdown) 11 IP, 2 Runs. JC Romero-12.6 IP, 0 Runs. Rudy Seanez-10 IP, 1 Run.

Everyone was ready to run Gordo out of town after losing on opening day, but he has come around nicely. I can’t say it will be this way all year, but right now, the Phils are in lockdown if they head to the 7th with a lead.

NAY: To Troy Tulowitzki. First you don’t hit a lick for the opening month. Then you tear a quad. Needless to say, I own Troy in numerous leagues. Personally, I think he’s a faker.

YEA: To Ryan Braun. I told you to be patient and he’s starting to turn it up. I traded for him on Monday and since he has gone 7 for 13 with a home run and 7 RBI. Hooray me!

NAY: To the 76ers. Another prediction of mine come true. The Sixers stood up to the big bad Pistons, but eventually were rebuffed. Regardless of the outcome, you have to call this a good year. The team finally returned to the playoffs and young guys like Thaddeus Young, Rodney Carney and Louis Williams all look like players.

A couple notes before the Sixers head off into the sunset.

What to do with Andre Iguodola? The dude did not help himself in these playoffs. He’s talking like he wants a max contract, but can you really give all that money to a guy who averaged you 13 points in the playoffs? He’s only 24, so there actually could be room for him to improve. The team has a nice core of players. The Sixers have a lot of money to spend. I’m really torn on what they should do.

Second, I want to know how I can become Louis Amundson. In case you were unaware, Louis is a 76er. He’s a first year power forward out of UNLV, who appeared in 16 games this season. If you are a masochist and watched the entire game last night, Louis is the goofy white guy with the long brown hair tied up in a pony tail.

The reason I want to be him is this. Louis played in 16 games this year for a grand total of 63 minutes. Louis scored 18 points, grabbed 12 rebounds and committed 13 fouls. Louis earned $687,000 for this effort.

Consider that Louis played 22 of his minutes in two games in late November. That means that over the entire rest of the season, he ran up and down the court for a total of 41 minutes. I think I can do that.

I also think I could luck into a couple rebounds and I know I could commit 13 fouls. I also know I could do that for a lot less than $687,000. I could save the Sixers a cool half a million bucks. Throw $100,000 my way. Spend the money on better players and maybe I could even get myself a ring. I’m unselfish like that.

NAY: To JJ Putz. I don’t care what you say, something isn’t right with the dude. I had JJ last year and it was glorious. But this year, he hasn’t been the same. Consider that since he has come back from injury he has appeared in three games. He converted the first save, but has given up 5 runs in his next two appearances. The biggest worry would be the walks he is surrendering. He’s walked 5 guys in his last 3 innings. In all of 2007, Putz walked just 13 batters. You might want to consider selling while he still has most of his value.

YEA: To Carlos Beltran. Carlos celebrated his 31st birthday the other night, closing down a popular Spanish restaurant for the private affair. Attending the shindig in downtown Manhattan were fellow Mets JOSE REYES, CARLOS DELGADO, OLIVER PEREZ, SANDY ALOMAR JR., JOHAN SANTANA, ENDY CHAVEZ AND DAVID WRIGHT. Which of these is not like the other?

I have a feeling Wright was only invited to make sure there was someone there who would be able to hail a cab at the end of the night.

NAY: To Billy Ray Cyrus for answering Roger Clemens’ phone call. Bad parent.

YEA: To Jack Cust. I’m not a fan, please don’t place that label on me. But the fact of the matter is that there isn’t a single human being on this earth who is streakier than Jack Cust. And Cust is 7 for his last 14. Get ready.

NAY: To Nick Adenhart. It was good seeing you.

YEA: To the Mariners for finally wising up and promoting Jeff Clement and Wladimir Balentien. Both these young guys can smoke the ball and Kenji Johjima and Jose Vidro are stinking up the joint. Gutsy move releasing Brad Wilkerson outright, but this team needed to be shaken up. They are playing well below their capabilities.

NAY: To every starting pitcher not named Johan Santana who will be a free agent in the next two years. Barry Zito has officially screwed you over. Teams were leery of giving out massive contracts to pitchers before the Zito fiasco. Now, with the revelation that Zito can’t even reach 90 mph on the radar gun anymore, GM’s will be even more reluctant to hand out 100 million to free agent moundsmen.

Do you think the Giants will pick up his $18 million option for 2014?

YEA: To the Kentucky Derby. Trifecta: Big Brown-Denis of Cork-Pyro. Thank me later. Go make some money.