‘NEW JERSEY IS FOR LOVERS’ AUCTION RESULTS

As my first official practice as head coach of my daughter’s T-Ball team fast approaches, I’m left with a feeling of deep anxiety. I’ve already had a run in with one mother who can’t understand why her daughter isn’t paired with her best friend. To think I’m doing this pro bono. It’s a wonder anybody volunteers for this stuff.

How happy are the Blue Jays that they are stuck with Scott Rolen? I remember Ronnie Lott snapping his finger in an opponent’s facemask-a finger that would later have to be partially amputated. Lott missed two plays. Scott Rolen is out for most of April because his finger nail was ripped off. Can you believe that he and Larry Bowa didn’t mesh?

Hope you didn’t waste a draft pick on Kelvim Escobar. That’s all on you, Costa. Kelvim won’t be pitching this year. He’s even talking retirement. If John Lackey’s injury turns out to be more serious than anticipated, than you can write off the Angels for 2008.

The Red Sox finally lost! I got my Sox tattoo last fall when they were down 3-1 to Cleveland in the ALCS. They went on to win the final three of the series and then sweep the Rockies in the World Series. I was expecting 162-0, but Emil Brown stuck it to me. I guess the guy at the tattoo shop was lying when he said it was magical.

And yes, I did get up at 6 a.m. both days to watch the games from Japan.

Below are the results of the much anticipated ‘New Jersey is For Lovers’ NL only auction, held this past weekend in luxurious downtown Maple Shade.

Irish Creamers (Me)
C-JR TOWLES-$1
C-YADIER MOLINA-1
1B-PRINCE FIELDER-36
2B-RYAN THERIOT-5
3B-KEVIN KOUZMANOFF-1
SS-TROY TULOWITZKI-26
CM-JAMES LONEY-10
MI-MARK DEROSA-2
OF-PAT BURRELL-16
OF-ADAM DUNN-28
OF-JEFF FRANCOEUR-20
OF-CHRIS YOUNG-25
OF-LASTINGS MILLEDGE-12
UT-RICK ANKIEL-10
P-PEDRO MARTINEZ-17
P-RANDY JOHNSON-13
P-MATT CAIN-17
P-CHAD BILLINGSLEY-12
P-TOM GORZELLANNY-2
P-HIROKI KURODA-1
P-EDINSON VOLQUEZ-1
P-BRIAN FUENTES-1
P-CARLOS MARMOL-3

Best Value: Kevin Kouzmanoff for $1.
Worst Value: Randy Johnson for $13.

Overall, I’m ecstatic with this team. I punted saves when I saw a couple owners hording closers. I’ve got so many home runs that I’ll be able to make a deal for saves in the near future. Or I could just hold out for the inevitable Kerry Wood injury and gobble up Marmol’s 30 saves.

Dollar values were out of control in the early going, with 7 players going for $40+ and another 3 going for $39. I paid a reasonable 36 for Prince, but backed away from the big spenders, leaving loads of values including Kouz, Gorzellanny, Kuroda, Francoeur and Loney.

Mad Scientists (John)
C-CARLOS RUIZ-8
C-MICHAEL BARRETT-1
1B-ADRIAN GONZALEZ-22
2B-DAN UGGLA-18
3B-MARK REYNOLDS-1
SS-STEPHEN DREW-3
CM-CHASE HEADLEY-1
MI-MIKE FONTENOT-1
OF-SCOTT PODSEDNIK-2
OF-JOSH WILLINGHAM-14
OF-COREY PATTERSON-9
OF-XAVIER NADY-9
OF-MOISES ALOU-1
UT-JAY BRUCE-1
P-BRANDON WEBB-30
P-DAN HAREN-29
P-IAN SNELL-15
P-BRAD PENNY-16
P-BRETT MYERS-20
P-ADAM WAINWRIGHT-16
P-UBALDO JIMENEZ-1
P-JASON ISRINGHAUSEN-17
P-JOSE VALVERDE-25

Best Value: Mark Reynolds for $1.
Worst Value: Dan Haren for $29.

John spent a whopping 169 dollars of his 260 dollar budget on pitching, leaving little to no offense. 6 of his drafted hitters will start the year either on the bench or on the dl. That’s not a good thing.

But, obviously, there is pitching to go around. With 6 top flight starting pitchers, deals need to be made.

Slangin’ and Bangin’ (Randy)
C-DAVID ROSS-1
C-MIKE RABELO-1
1B-LANCE BERKMAN-31
2B-JEFF KENT-15
3B-GARRETT ATKINS-27
SS-ALEX GONZALEZ-1
CM-DALLAS MCPHERSON-1
MI-ADAM KENNEDY-1
OF-JUAN PIERRE-20
OF-NATE MCLOUTH-1
OF-SCOTT HAIRSTON-1
OF-JOSE BAUTISTA-1
OF-MARK KOTSAY-1
UT-MIKE JACOBS-1
P-JOHAN SANTANA-42
P-JOEL PINEIRO-2
P-CHRIS YOUNG-24
P-RICH HILL-18
P-JOHN PATTERSON-1
P-TOM GORDON-1
P-RAFAEL SORIANO-21
P-MATT CAPPS-20
P-BILLY WAGNER-28

Best Value: Nate McLouth for $1.
Worst Value: Billy Wagner for $28.

Another guy who went pitcher heavy, Randy went nuts early on, spending over 100 bucks before some teams even had a single player. That ended up leaving Randy with 12 dollars for 12 players.

Surprisingly, he was able to get some real value for those dollar players. Hairston, McLouth, Kotsay, Jacobs and Bautista won’t leave you giddy, but they’ll play. And Tom Gordon for a dollar could be a major steal.

South Philly Ballers (Joe)
C-YORVIT TORREALBA-7
C-RONNY PAULINO-3
1B-RYAN HOWARD-40
2B-RICKIE WEEKS-18
3B-CHIPPER JONES-23
SS-KHALIL GREENE-11
CM-NOMAR GARCIAPARRA-1
MI-KAZ MATSUI-10
OF-MATT HOLLIDAY-40
OF-KOSUKE FUKUDOME-15
OF-WILY MO PENA-3
OF-MATT DIAZ-1
OF-RYAN LUDWICK-1
UT-TY WIGGINTON-2
P-TED LILLY-17
P-JEFF FRANCIS-9
P-YOVANNI GALLARDO-12
P-AARON COOK-1
P-ORLANDO HERNANDEZ-1
P-JEFF SUPPAN-1
P-MANNY CORPAS-24
P-ERIC GAGNE-14
P-MANNY ACOSTA-3

Best Value: Ty Wigginton for $2.
Worst Value: Yorvit Torrealba for $7.

Joe’s first fantasy draft ended up being pretty successful. The Ballers did some unorthodox things during the draft, which kept owners on their toes. My suggested strategy for Joe to open the bidding for players he didn’t want was taken a little too literally when Joe brought up Aaron Cook in the fifth round.

Ed’s Bar and Swill (Todd G)
C-RYAN DOUMIT-3
C-CHRIS SNYDER-1
1B-ADAM LAROCHE-11
2B-FREDDY SANCHEZ-5
3B-DAVID WRIGHT-42
SS-JIMMY ROLLINS-39
CM-RYAN ZIMMERMAN-21
MI-LUIS CASTILLO-4
OF-CARLOS LEE-31
OF-COREY HART-32
OF-BRAD HAWPE-21
OF-MATT KEMP-18
OF-AARON ROWAND-7
UT-DAVE ROBERTS-1
P-DEREK LOWE-6
P-BEN SHEETS-11
P-ANDREW MILLER-1
P-KEVIN CORREIA-1
P-MANNY PARRA-1
P-JONATHAN SANCHEZ-1
P-CHRIS CAPUANO-1
P-AARON HEILMAN-1
P-TONY PENA-1

Best Value: Freddy Sanchez for $5.
Worst Value: Corey Hart for $32.

A late round bidding war drove up the price of Corey Hart, who was the last good outfielder available. Todd has too many Pirates and didn’t draft a pitcher until about the 14th round. $24 total spent on 9 pitchers. At least one of them is likely to sneak some steals (Pena).

Slobber Knockers (Todd T)
C-JOHNNY ESTRADA-1
C-MIGUEL MONTERO-1
1B-MARK TEIXEIRA-33
2B-BRANDON PHILLIPS-39
3B-TROY GLAUS-20
SS-RAFAEL FURCAL-25
CM-CARLOS DELGADO-9
MI-RONNIE BELLIARD-1
OF-HUNTER PENCE-28
OF-MICHAEL BOURNE-14
OF-RYAN FREEL-1
OF-JAYSON WERTH-1
OF-LUIS GONZALEZ-1
UT-PEDRO FELIZ-5
P-TIM HUDSON-19
P-JOHN MAINE-18
P-RANDY WOLF-3
P-GREG MADDUX-1
P-RYAN DEMPSTER-1
P-JASON MARQUIS-1
P-CHAD QUALLS-1
P-KEVIN GREGG-14
P-FRANCISCO CORDERO-23

Best Value: Pedro Feliz for $5. Hands down.
Worst Value: Troy Glaus for $20.

I like Phillips, but he’s just one year removed from being a reserve. I don’t think he deserves to be in the upper echelon of stars just yet. The fact that he went for the same amount as Jimmy Rollins was surprising.

Delgado is so undervalued that he is becoming a deal. 9 bucks for what he can do is a bargain. Even Todd couldn’t believe what he had done when he blurted out “Troy Glaus, 20 dollars.”

Costa 4 Life (Rich)
C-BENGIE MOLINA-6
C-JOSH BARD-1
1B-DEREK LEE-28
2B-MARCUS GILES-2
3B-ARAMIS RAMIREZ-27
SS-MIGUEL TEJADA-23
CM-TODD HELTON-22
MI-RAY DURHAM-1
OF-ALFONSO SORIANO-35
OF-FELIX PIE-8
OF-JIM EDMONDS-5
OF-MIKE CAMERON-1
OF-ANDRE ETHIER-1
UT-JOEY VOTTO-1
P-JAKE PEAVY-36
P-CARLOS ZAMBRANO-27
P-ROY OSWALT-27
P-BRONSON ARROYO-4
P-JOHNNY CUETO-1
P-DOUG DAVIS-1
P-CHRIS CARPENTER-1
P-DAVID RISKE-1
P-JUAN CRUZ-1

Best Value: Mike Cameron for $1.
Worst Value: Jim Edmonds for $5.

Even when Edmonds is healthy, he isn’t worth five dollars. Rich has 2-3-4-5 in the Cubs lineup, which is never a good strategy.

Cameron can go 20-20 and he only went for a dollar because he’s facing a suspension for the first month. My outfield was already filled….what’s your excuse?

Yogurt Boys (Chris)
C-RUSSELL MARTIN-30
C-PAUL LODUCA-2
1B-ALBERT PUJOLS-41
2B-KELLY JOHNSON-15
3B-EDWIN ENCARNACION-10
SS-JOSE REYES-43
CM-CONOR JACKSON-6
MI-ORLANDO HUDSON-5
OF-JASON BAY-19
OF-KEN GRIFFEY-11
OF-BILL HALL-4
OF-JEREMY HERMIDA-8
OF-CHRIS DUNCAN-4
UT-AUSTIN KEARNS-2
P-JOHN SMOLTZ-20
P-TIM LINCECUM-12
P-MICAH OWINGS-3
P-JASON SCHMIDT-6
P-BARRY ZITO-2
P-DAVE BUSH-2
P-KERRY WOOD-1
P-BOBBY HOWRY-2
P-BRANDON LYON-12

Best Value: Conor Jackson for $6. (lots of choices)
Worst Value: Russell Martin for $30.

$30 is a hell of a lot to pay for a catcher, even if it is Russell Martin. This team will be my biggest competition. Bargains galore!

Chris used the strategy of spending big at the gun (Reyes 43 and Pujols 41) and then laying back for about an hour. By then, he was able to steal Jackson-$6, Hall-$4 and Griffey-$11.

News broke that afternoon of Smoltz and an arm injury, dropping his value. Considering Peavy went for 36, Smoltz for 20 is grand theft, since he will probably miss just one start.

Everybody Loves Swartz (Steve)
C-BRIAN MCCANN-21
C-GEOVANY SOTO-5
1B-JEFF BAKER-2
2B-FELIPE LOPEZ-6
3B-RYAN BRAUN-37
SS-JJ HARDY-14
CM-YUNEL ESCOBAR-7
MI-TADAHITO IGUCHI-2
OF-CARLOS BELTRAN-33
OF-ERIC BYRNES-29
OF-RYAN CHURCH-3
OF-WILY TAVARES-2
OF-RANDY WINN-1
UT-JUSTIN UPTON-2
P-OLIVER PEREZ-15
P-AARON HARANG-25
P-TOM GLAVINE-1
P-CARLOS VILLANUEVA-1
P-KYLE LOHSE-1
P-JONATHON BROXTON-1
P-HEATH BELL-1
P-CHAD CORDERO-19
P-BRIAN WILSON-16

Best Value: Wily Tavares for $2.
Worst Value: Brian Wilson for $16.

Another team that I really like, which just goes to show that you CAN draft drunk. Possibly the worst starting first baseman in fantasy baseball history, but besides that, a team filled with nice values.

Tavares is just ridiculous for 2 bucks. Lohse and Villanueva are great 1 dollar pitchers. Winn is always undervalued and this was no exception.

The Olivo Garden (Mike)
C-CHRIS COSTE-4
C-JAYSON KENDALL-1
1B-CHAD TRACY-5
2B-CHASE UTLEY-39
3B-MARK LORETTA-1
SS-HANLEY RAMIREZ-45
CM-DAN ORTMEIER-1
MI-JACK WILSON-2
OF-ANDRUW JONES-20
OF-BRIAN GILES-7
OF-SHANE VICTORINO-22
OF-GEOFF JENKINS-11
OF-CAMERON MAYBIN-1
UT-ENDY CHAVEZ-1
P-COLE HAMELS-28
P-MARK PRIOR-2
P-SHAWN HILL-2
P-KYLE KENDRICK-1
P-PAUL MAHOLM-1
P-BRAD LIDGE-17
P-TREVOR HOFFMAN-19
P-PETER MOYLAN-3
P-TAKASHI SAITO-27

Best Value: Shawn Hill for $2.
Worst Value: Brian Giles for $7.

Giles has done a whole lot of nothing since 1998 and isn’t worth seven bucks.

For a Met fan, Mike took an awful lot of Phillies. Tracy, Loretta and Ortmeier form a pretty awful 1-2-3 punch at the corners.

Hanley ended up being the highest price player of the day, going for $45 whopping dollars. Soriano has never been a full time closer, so grabbing his understudy Moylan could end up paying nice dividends.

After a long, cold winter, the season is finally here. First game is Sunday night, Braves versus Nationals, followed by a whole slate of games on Monday. Be sure to call out sick, so you can sit home and watch all your guys go 0 for 4 and then trade them. Hooray!