WHAT TO DO WITH THE LEAGUE IDIOT

I don’t want to come across as a braggadocio, but I consider myself above average when it comes to baseball knowledge. If someone has a question about a player or a statistic, they will often call me first.

Now, no matter what kind of league you are in, be it baseball, football, hockey or Nascar (egads), there has to be a token idiot. If you are lucky, you might have multiple ones, thus increasing your chances of winning.

But is it better to have a guy who is a nincompoop or a guy who actually knows what he is doing?

Option A is to say ‘yes, I want as many dopes as possible in my league.’

But Option B, from a competitive standpoint, would be to have bragging rights over a league that was completely made up of aces.

In reality, if you are an everyday ‘joe’ like me, it’s almost impossible to be in a league that is idiot free. It’s hard enough piecing together a league as is. When you are a commissioner, you can’t be picky about who you let in.

You need 10 or 12 guys who you can depend on to show up at the draft. If they are dumber than Mario Manningham, god bless’em. Cross your fingers that their entrance fee clears and then set them loose on the rest of the league.

By the way, what are the chances that Mario drives to Shea Stadium for the Giants first game this fall? I guarantee you he has no idea that the Giants play in New Jersey.

If you are in a league and have yet been able to identify the idiot, here are 10 ways to flush him out.

1. If he mispronounces more than half of his picks on draft day and one of those picks was Randy Winn.
2. If he calls a player unproven because they’ve only hit 50 home runs once.
3. If he makes add/drops once a month and one of the guys he picks up is deceased.
4. If he wears a Yankees jersey or a batting helmet to your draft.
5. If he tries to draft Rick Ankiel as a pitcher.
6. If his fantasy rotation has 4 starters from the Rangers.
7. If his initials are RG.
8. If, at an auction, somebody brings up Johan Santana and he says ‘what position?’
9. If he giggles everytime somebody says Boof Bonser.
10. If he is ahead by 40 in saves and he still won’t trade a closer.

I’m not writing this to create enemies in any of my leagues. If you’ve been in a league with me, you know that I love everybody. You won’t find an owner easier to get along with.

And when it comes down to it, I think I would go with Option A. Who are we to say the dimwitted and the slow should not be allowed to participate in fantasy baseball? Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to suffer through an entire season with Tony Pena Jr. as your shortstop. They’ll learn. The hard way.

And if they don’t…if they come back next year and draft Tony Pena Jr. one more time? Have pity on them. Don’t laugh. Don’t chortle. Say ‘nice pick’ and say it with sincerity. Who cares if its round 4. Tony is a likable guy with solid glovework.

Then when you get home, you can make fun of him.

WEEK 5 JUNK!!

Let me start off by saying that I couldn’t trade for Brandon Phillips, no matter how hard I tried. If you remember, last Monday, I challenged you to go out and make a deal to get the 30-30 second baseman.

I knew he’d be coming around sooner or later and unfortunately, it was sooner. Phillips started hitting as soon as I wrote that article and his owners clamped down. Since I wrote that piece, Phillips has gone 9 for 28 with 4 homers, 8 RBI and a steal. ARRGHH!

This week, I’ve got a new target for you. A guy I just dealt for tonight. Ryan Braun. I was one of the ones who thought it was crazy to see Braun being drafted in the first round of mixed leagues this year. Now, if you want to show me someone who is unproven, it is him. With less than a full season of at-bats on his resume, some of the projections were completely unrealistic.

That being the case, those who did draft Braun are now majorly disenchanted and are ripe for the picking.

I picked up Braun tonight for Jeff Francoeur and Mark DeRosa. 35 and 25 are definitely possible for Braun and right now, he stands at 3 and 1. If he even remotely approaches those projections, that will be a sweet 5 months.

If you were able to get Phillips or are this week able to get Braun, leave a comment and let me know what you were able to get them for.

-I might be changing my mind when it comes to Roger Clemens and HGH. Maybe it wasn’t the drugs that rejuvenated his career, but the 15 year old on the side. Keep it classy Rajah!!!

-Is it just me or does that fact that Emil Brown has 25 RBI on April 29th kind of make you sick.

-If you are going to run, do it against San Diego. Padre catchers have thrown out 6 baserunners, in 30 attempts. That’s good news for Ryan Howard and Carlos Ruiz this week.

-If you are thinking about trading for Brandon Webb, make sure you don’t overpay. Webb has won 6 games already and in reality, what is the most he could win this year? If he won 22 it would be amazing. So that gives you 16 more wins over the next 5 months, max. I’m not saying he isn’t terrific, but just put those wins in perspective. When you deal for him, those 6 wins he already has doesn’t come with him.

-I told you Eric Gagne would be fine. Hope you didn’t abandon ship. He’ll have the rough outing once in a while, but he’ll still give you saves and Milwaukee is good.

-If you’ve still got Jack Cust in ANY league, I have to say ‘why?’ Cust hasn’t homered since the third game of the season and is striking out 42 percent of the time. There’s a reason he didn’t get his first big break until he was 28 years old.

-I realize it’s Armando Galarraga we are talking about, but can the Tigers afford to ship this guy out when Donrelle Willis comes back? All Galarraga has done is win, giving up just one homer in three starts, compiling a 1.50 ERA and a 0.72 WHIP. Willis will come back in the rotation, but Kenny Rogers or Nate Robertson might have to be the sacrificial lambs.

-Is there anything worse than having two starting pitchers going in the same game and then turning on ESPN and seeing the score is 8-7 in the 3rd inning?

-Angels prospect Brandon Wood seems like he has been around forever, but is still only 23. LA promoted Wood this week, but word is he’ll be sent back down when Howie ‘boo-boo’ Kendrick is activated off the dl this week. If you’ve got room, stash Wood on your bench. Kendrick will be hurt again soon enough.

-Daniel Cabrera-7 walks on Monday. If you bought in, I hope you are proud of yourself.

-The Yankees panicked and rushed A-Rod back from his pulled quad. Guess who’s going to miss more games this week?

-While Jorge Posada is visiting Dr. James Andrews about his injured shoulder, maybe he can ask the Doc to do something about those ridiculous ears.

-Nobody knows how to jump ship like Pat Riley. Miami can’t complain because they won a title, but good god did he leave them in dire straits.

-How amazingly easy is it to hate everything about the Montreal Candadiens? From their coaches (Guy Carbonneau and Kirk Muller), to their players (all very Russian or very French) to their fans (I know your city sucks, but save the celebrating for when it warrants it).

-Vicente Padilla threw a complete game shutout this weekend. Vicente Padilla.

-Cherry Hill’s own Adam Jasinski was crowned winner of Big Brother 9 on Sunday night. I admit that I look forward to that show more than any other. The reason? To see the reprehensible human beings they put together in a house, thus making the things I do seem not all that bad. Thanks for the ego boost, you horrible, horrible people (Sheila, Jen and Josh).

-Finally got ‘There Will Be Blood’ from Netflix. Between that, ‘I Am Legend’ and ‘No Country For Old Men’, I am drama’d out. Next up…’Boobs A Poppin’!

-Know what I’m looking forward to just as much as the Eagles next season? Rooting every single week against the Carolina Panthers. Come on 1-15!!

-I was off by one game regarding the Pistons. Listen, I’m rooting as hard as anyone, but deep down you’ve got to realize the Sixers just aren’t in the same league as this team. Also, I’m going to go out and buy a Reggie Evans jersey, so you guys better not go and trade him!

-Would there be anything more joyous then the Celtics getting knocked out by the Hawks? I really can’t believe it will happen, but WOW! Cross your fingers.

-Heading into his start Monday night, Jon Garland had 4 strikeouts in 29 innings pitched. It’s a contract year Jon, WAKE UP! (can you tell I have him in one of my leagues?)

-Before you give up on Carlos Delgado, remember he is always a slow starter. ALWAYS!

-If you’ve got Brett Myers, I would be concerned. His velocity is down and that could mean only one thing. You might want to consider dealing him before someone realizes there is a problem. Phillies fans are pretty gullible.

I’ll talk to you all Friday when the Flyers will be up 3-1 and the Sixers will be eliminated.