PITCHER RANKINGS AND THEN SOME

Finally put the finishing touches on my preseason pitcher rankings, just in time for Yovani Gallardo to get hurt, so I had to do some last minute tweaking. Like I said before, these rankings will be changing on an almost daily basis once spring training really gets rolling along. But before the rankings, I felt there were some things I had to touch upon.

Starting with Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens and the rest of the addicts. So much has already been written on this topic that I don’t think you need any more analysis of the Capitol Hill travesty. Rajah will get his come uppance, you can bank on that.

Pettitte has proven to me that you can be a Yankee and have character at the same time. In what has been a history filled with drunks(Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin), drug addicts(Darryl Strawberry, Dale Berra) and poor pilots(Thurman Munson), Pettitte is a beacon of hope. Congrats Andy, you are the best of the worst. I just don’t understand why you injected HGH into your nose. Wasn’t it big enough?

The thing that sticks in my craw, above all else, are these players who were implicated and are now whining about how this is old news and doesn’t warrant being drudged up. Eric Gagne and Paul LoDuca being the chief culprits.

More than any other sport, baseball players seem to have this ego driven, ‘I’m better than you’ approach to their everyday life. Instead of being grateful for the amazing life they are blessed to be leading, they prefer to act as if they are golden gods and that we should feel honored just to be in their presence. Not all of them, but still too many.

Major League Baseball players are the Alpha Beta’s, while everyone else is a member of Lambda-Lambda-Lambda. And speaking of which, I just watched Revenge of the Nerds the other night for the first time in years and I have to admit, what a terrific film. You’ve got to watch it again. ‘Clap your hands everybody, everybody clap your hands!’

Gagne and LoDuca are just the latest examples of these players refusing to own up to the fact that they messed up. Gagne would be Ogre, but LoDuca would only be one of the background jocks, since he’s too stupid to be given any lines.

The plain truth is that in America, we love people to be contrite. Andy Pettitte is a national hero for what he did today. Jason Giambi apologized a few years back and now, nobody even mentions his past indiscretions. They mention that he has lost weight like an anorexic and that he can’t beat out Morgan Ensberg, but not his steroid use. These guys fessed up to their past sins and forgiveness is their reward. Along with a low sperm count.

But when a lurch like Gagne comes out and apologizes to his teammates for this unwarranted ‘distraction’, it reiterates to me how much these guys are stuck on themselves.

Do you think Derrick Turnbow has been losing sleep worried about what training camp would be like with Gagne in town?

I like to imagine Gagne’s first sitdown with his Milwaukee teammates going like this.

Eric: “Hey guys, I just want to apologize for all this nonsense in the newspapers. The media is always trying to put us down, but I’m not going to let them. Not this time and not ever again. I’m real sorry.”

Prince Fielder: (leaning into JJ Hardy) “Who’s the goofy looking *$&$**$(#@) with the afro and the goggles?”

Believe me, just wait a couple weeks into the season and you’ll have plenty to apologize for Eric. I thought the Brewers had a shot until they signed you.

I’m really sick of it all and I want it to go away. And it would go away if these guys would just have the stones to confess to their transgressions.

But for Clemens, Bonds, Gagne, LoDuca, their machismo won’t let them do that. And so it lingers and festers and gets drawn out and beaten into the ground.

I don’t even want these guys to be punished for what they did. Most of these positives were from years ago and since there was no testing, handing out punishments now would just allow the issue to meander for years on end.

Just say you’re sorry. Admit you screwed up. It happens to the best of us. I think America will come to grips with the fact that you can play baseball and be human at the same time. But something tells me that the old Alpha Beta in them just won’t let them.

Now, onto the stuff that matters. Some important notes that YOU NEED TO KNOW, followed by pitcher rankings. Enjoy.

Balt-Ramon Hernandez looks great and could be primed to bounce back. So say his coaches, but don’t believe it. Old catchers don’t fade away, they burn out. And aren’t known for coming back.

Det-Ivan Rodriguez-Speaking of burnt out catchers. If there’s one thing going for him it’s that he’s in a contract year and in his career, contract year has always given Pudge a little extra giddyup.

CHC-Kerry Wood-Believe it or not, Wood is the front runner to close for the Cubs in ’08. That means Carlos Marmol can be had at a bargain price. Marmol will finish the year as the squad’s saves leader. Draft accordingly.

Tex-Jarrod Saltalamacchia-Manager Ron Washington is saying Salty might start the season in the minors. Chalk this up as motivation and don’t think for a second that it will happen.

Ana-Kelvim Escobar-He’s guaranteed to start the season on the DL, but don’t forget him on draft day. Escobar for 5 months is better than Vicente Padilla for 6. I remember when some owners were scared away last spring when JJ Putz reported elbow pain. How’d he do last season?

Mil-Bill Hall-Hall is moving to third base this season, so by the end of April, he should qualify in most leagues. Hall stunk last year, but he’s only 28 and should bounce back. Throw in 3b eligibility and he’s a bargain.

Oak-Mike Sweeney-The A’s signed Sweeney and he’ll be battling Dan Johnson for a roster spot. Hard to believe Johnson has fallen so far. A change of scenery might be good for him, so cross your fingers he gets released. Sweeney is a walking band-aid, so ignore, especially in the spacious Coliseum.

Tex-Jason Jennings-The Rangers top 3 is shaping up as Millwood(5.16 ERA and 1.62 WHIP), Vicente Padilla(5.76-1.63) and Jennings(6.45-1.55). When you stop to complain about your team’s lack of pitching, remind yourself of what I just wrote.

Ana-Mike Napoli-Despite my persistent e-mails and telegrams, Mike Scioscia continues to plan on platooning Napoli with the worthless Jeff Mathis. The staff’s ERA is about a point lower with Mathis catching, so I’m not counting on banking on him changing his mind. But I’ll keep trying.

KC-John Buck and Miguel Olivo-These two are battling it out to see who will win the right to be the guy who hits 18 home runs while batting .230. Olivo stole 3 bases last year, so I’m rooting for him.

STARTING PITCHERS
AL

Tier 1- Erik Bedard
CC Sabathia
Justin Verlander
John Lackey
Josh Beckett
Scott Kazmir
Fausto Carmona

Tier 2 Felix Hernandez
Roy Halladay
Joe Blanton
Daisuke Matsuzaka
AJ Burnett
Dustin McGowan
James Shields
Javier Vazquez
Phillip Hughes
Jon Garland
Chien-Ming Wang
Zach Greinke

Tier 3 Jared Weaver
Francisco Liriano
Jeremy Bonderman
Rich Harden
Mark Buehrle
Jeremy Guthrie
Gil Meche
Andy Pettitte
Shaun Marcum
Clay Buchholz
Brian Bannister
Matt Garza
Kenny Rogers
Jake Westbrook
Joe Saunders
Scott Baker
Ian Kennedy
Jon Lester
Jarrod Washburn
Kelvim Escobar
Dontrelle Willis

Tier 4 Livan Hernandez
Nate Robertson
Justin Duscherrer
Carlos Silva
Adam Loewen
Paul Byrd
Aaron Laffey
Kason Gabbard
Miguel Batista
Troy Patton
Kevin Millwood
Tim Wakefield

Tier 5 Kevin Slowey
Chad Gaudin
Jesse Litsch
Jose Contreras
Brandon McCarthy
Mike Mussina
Boof Bonser
Daniel Cabrera
John Danks
Curt Schilling
Gavin Floyd
Vicente Padilla

NL

Tier 1 Johan Santana
Jake Peavy
Cole Hamels
Aaron Harang
Brandon Webb
Roy Oswalt

Tier 2 Dan Haren
John Maine
John Smoltz
Matt Cain
Adam Wainwright
Carlos Zambrano
Brad Penny
Tim Lincecum
Tim Hudson
Rich Hill
Ben Sheets
Chris Young
Chad Billingsley
Jeff Francis
Randy Johnson
Brett Myers
Pedro Martinez
Micah Owings

Tier 3 Derek Lowe
Oliver Perez
Ted Lilly
Tom Gorzelanny
Ubaldo Jimenez
Bronson Arroyo
Yovani Gallardo
Ian Snell
Carlos Villanueva
Ryan Dempster
Franklin Morales
Randy Wolf
Noah Lowry
Hiroki Kuroda
Brandon Marshall

Tier 4 Tom Glavine
Edison Volquez
Andrew Miller
Braden Looper
Jason Schmidt
Shawn Hill
Kyle Kendrick
Barry Zito
Doug Davis
Jeff Suppan
Sean Bergmann
Greg Maddux
Orlando Hernandez

Tier 5 Kevin Correia
Scott Olsen
Chuck James
Chris Capuano
Jamie Moyer
Mark Prior
Wandy Rodriguez
Dave Bush
Jarr Jurrjens
John Patterson
Matt Morris
Brandon Backe
Homer Bailey
Joel Pineiro

RELIEF PITCHERS

AL

Tier 1 Jonathon Papelbon
JJ Putz
Bobby Jenks
Francisco Rodriguez
Tier 2 Joe Nathan
Mariano Rivera
Todd Jones
Huston Street
CJ Wilson
George Sherrill
Joe Borowski
Joakim Soria

Tier 3 BJ Ryan
Troy Percival
Jeremy Accardo
Rafael Betancourt
Anthony Reyes
Hideki Okajima
Fernando Rodney

Tier 4 Jamie Walker
Octavio Dotel
Scott Shields
Eddie Guardado
Kyle Farnsworth
Alan Embree
Pat Neshek
Scott Linebrink

Tier 5 Joaquin Benoit
Matt Guerrier
Manny DelCarmen
Casey Janssen
Jensen Lewis


NL

Tier 1 Takashi Saito
Manny Corpas
Francisco Cordero
Billy Wagner

Tier 2 Jose Valverde
Brad Lidge
Chad Cordero
Rafael Soriano
Trevor Hoffman
Matt Capps
Jason Isringhausen
Carlos Marmol

Tier 3 Kevin Gregg
Brian Wilson
Eric Gagne
Brandon Lyon
Jonathon Broxton
Tony Pena
Heath Bell
Jon Rauch
Brian Fuentes
David Weathers

Tier 4 Bobby Howry
Tom Gordon
Peter Moylan
Tyler Walker

Tier 5 Ryan Franklin
Aaron Heilman
Joe Beimel
Derrick Turnbow
Damaso Marte
Mike Gonzalez